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lost things

have you ever loved someone so much you let them leave?
let them sidestep out of your life ever so seamlessly?
i wish i could quote emily dickenson and say i wish you a kinder sea
but, like leather and teeth,
some things in this world just aren’t meant to be that sweet
ultimately we’re both worthy of being loved properly
but i’ll tell you this, you could have had all of my poetry
for now i’ll remember you howling with wine in your blood
and a full moon in your heartbeat
in many ways i feel like you saw the woman i could be
but we’re on different pages, books, bookcases
even different libraries
i’m a mile up in the sky and you’re a thousand kisses deep
ultimately we’re just superheroes with a lot of anxiety

so it’s time to move on, take advice from the animal kingdom
and snap the necks of the young who won’t make it
cause our situation is certainly not the time for us to be squeamish
so today i took a breath, today i divorced my ghosts,
today i performed an exorcism on the very depths of my soul
but because of you, i’m learning to leave myself love notes
because of you i no longer see my body as a hand grenade
despite the fire that’s in your eyes, you taught me to feel safe

to move forwards, i’d say to get your hands dirty with life and
consume more of the things that fill you
but to close up wounds that cut this deep,
well that’s not something you can rush through
my mother tells that i need to know this world is tough
now i look both ways when i cross the road because darling,
this was dangerous enough

and does anyone know the exact difference in which two magnets
can no longer feel an attraction?
because i’ve tried trains and hotel rooms and i can still feel you
i’ve tried not talking on the telephone but i can still hear you
i know when you’ve had a bad day
because the sky looks dark and thundery
and i know when you’ve had a good day
because the trees genuinely smile at me
i’m not entirely sure how you’re controlling the weather around me,
but i don’t question it because i know this life is full of mystery
i’ve tried salt baths for days
but my bones won’t stop repeating your name
teaching my body to forget about you is a full time job these days

tell me this:
does your car sometimes circle my house
the way my thoughts trace the outline of your name?
does your finger hover over the bell
the way mine hovers over deleting your name from my phone book?
when you give in and drive back home,
tell me darling, do you feel lonesome?
last night i went to bed with artificial feelings,
woke up with a coca-cola heart
but despite me lying to myself,
the truth is that i love you and i’m sorry if it seemed like i forgot
for now, i want to say goodbye in the sweetest way
because i can be good at staying gone

i wish you a lifetime of butterflies
i’ll forever have a sunshine heart
to quote aa. milne,
how lucky i am to have something
that makes saying goodbye so hard

 

the search

i overturned stones,
moss side facing up
i shouted your name into the creek
i lit a cigarette
and let the smoke curl into the sky
leaving me to wonder
if you had ever even been

Lyndsay Price is a co-host of A Lovely Word and curator of Salt Water Poetry.

@lyndsaywritespoems

 

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